Well, it's been 30 years since The Love Boat first set sail... Man, I loved the Love Boat, which, thankfully, enjoyed success way before the Norwalk Virus made its public debut.

I so wanted to be little Vicki. Dammit. Why couldn't my mom have had a fling with an amiable captain?! Why couldn't I have a funny doctor to treat my cuts?

Wow, did I dig that show. Looking back on it, I had such a weird crush on Gofer... Gopher... Whatever. Oh yeah, and then there's that thing he had with Julie. I wasn't jealous, though... They were cute together; it was just a TV show; I was 5... Still, to this day I think that's why "quirky" was a requirement for any guy I dated.

And Isaac... For some reason, I believed that Isaac sang the theme song. I think I told everyone at school he did... Speaking of Isaac, didn't he have the best advice?! He was truly a guru behind the bar. You'd go up to him and say, "I've just been looking for love in all the wrong places." And then he would answer, "And yet, the wrong faces could have the right hearts." They shoulda marketed that. Forget the Magic 8-Ball... Buy a Pocket Isaac!

And then there were the guests. My favorite was Charo... She was like the personification of Lady from Lady & the Tramp... Except that this Lady was Latin and freely shook her moneymaker.

In spring, when the first season of The Love Boat is released on DVD, I'll be there, first in line, buying my copy. Sure, it's cheesy. Sure, it's corny. But who in their right mind could turn down an open smile on a friendly shore?!