I got the news that Don Ho died and I started to panic. It was like my whole world was about to collapse. I had to make sure that the rule still stood...I had to prove that the rules of the universe still applied. What was I to do? I immediately went on google and did a mass obituarty search to be sure that someone named Don Bro had died first. I finally found my relief when I discovered a Don Bro, born in 1970 in Pittsburgh, did in fact die quite a few years ago. You can imagine my relief. You see, the fact that a bro had to come before a ho, is the basis of all that is good in this world. I can only imagine all of the clingy girlfriends and pussy-whipped roommates I have had and how this could have justified all of thier backwards-ass decisions. Luckily, we avoided the paradox when Don Bro came before Don Ho and had the good will to die at the young age of 29. Just think of all the fun nights out at the nudie bar, the late night card games, or those deep drunken conversations that only occur at 3:30am when your best friend tells you that he really loves you, you sonofabitch. All of that could have instantly disappeared and been replaced with memories of Hugh Grant films, trips to Bed Bath & Beyond, and "cuddling" with a moody girlfriend on her period. Don Ho may have been the greatest Hawaiian crooner of all time, but let's get real, he didn't have that much competition and besides...Don Bro was the one that kept the world turning the way it is supposed to. May he rest in peace.