This would've been posted a lot earlier if I didn't get drunk out of my mind last night. My power Diesels + 4 candy apple martinis + THIS SONG = a smashed and possibly pregnant nOva. Now let me get the following shit out of the way.

• Fantasia never said she was illiterate.
• Tupac is still dead.
• Jigga didn't father this child.
• Larry Birkhead did father this child.

I totally oppose anything that brings all the speculative gossip and lies to a screeching halt. I'm leading the fight against truthiness. Who's with me?

I know I said I was getting bored with all the G-Unit drama that's been going on, but honestly I cannot tear my eyes away from this trainwreck. There's more bickering, shade, backstabbing and sexual intrigue over at Interscope than an entire season of Melrose Place.

Between being rejected by hot Asian girls and cleaning Kanye's spunk off his duvet, The Game found time to talk more trash about his former bedfellows. But he claims he's "good" with Young Buck. How long you think that will last? Then someone named Spider Loc (?) called Buck out in yet another "diss" track titled "This Isn't a Sorority, This is a Model Competition." In response, Young Buck had this to offer: "I’d hate to come down to their level and become a BW- a basic woman. But if they don’t stop it’s gonna get scandalous." Jeez. All this fighting over a tube of LipSmackers. These mofos is hard to the core! [Buck photo jacked from this Giant piece]

Random: No, that's not two day-old shit in your cereal. It's Special K "Chocolatey Delight", another attempt by Kellogg's to make "healthy" more interesting. Yup, this is the kind of shit I report when my attention has been devoted to this chucklehead all week. Don't judge me.

Dumbest Fucking Randomly-Generated Musical Genre Ever: HARD & B. This is what happens when you leave a running tape recorder at your local homeless shelter.

And I'm done. Enjoy your weekend but enjoy this more.