While it's not my custom to perpetuate racial stereotypes (lie), I just want to say that me and my familiars have suffered worse tongue-lashings from our parents growing up in the "'hood". Look how great I turned out! Point-by-point, I'm going to dissect the Alec Baldwin voicemail to prove why you people are a bunch of judgemental, overly-sensitive pussies, no doubt with a bunch of bad-ass kids running around:

• He doesn't know if Ireland is 11 or 12. AND? My mother, God bless her, frequently calls me by my sister's name. Do I look like an "Aquanetta" to you?
• He's gonna straighten her ass out when he sees her. Big whoop. That's a lot better than being "torn a new one", or having the "Earth brought down upon me", or being forced to "watch my eyebrows grow back."
• He calls the mother of his child a thougtless pain in the ass, instead of a coke-snorting, gutterbutt floozy. Ireland should be proud.
• He called his daughter a rude thoughtless little pig. "Pigg" is my nickname. Again, I don't see what the issue is. Don't you people have shit else better to do? Like, letting the television babysit your kids or not telling your child he's the reason Mommy and Daddy drink so much? Be creative.

Besides, for all you people out there calling Mr. Baldwin a bad parent, aren't you happy this phonecall was leaked instead of that rumored Pat Sajak fisting video?

Now be quiet.