A lesson on never making assumptions.. especially while on the job...
I was probably a few weeks into my first real job that I was proud of(although not much of a salary to brag about) at a contemporary art gallery. Part of my job included giving tours of the art work to visitors which requires a bit of cliche chit chat during the elevator ride between floors. One day, three lovely women, all with southern accents, came into the Gallery. They all looked familiar and were talking about family matters. Two were pretty and think and looked to be in college, the other middle aged and heavy. On the elevator ride up I asked if they were family and they nodded and smiled, and I went on to say, "so you two are sisters and you are their moth".. "THEIR other sister" she interjected! Oops! I wanted to run to one of our storage rooms and lock myself inside. It was a bit awkward after that needless
to say they did not buy anything) and I definately did not share this story with my co-workers. I still worry about the lady and her self-esteem and hope her sisters are not bitchy enough to secretly enjoy what occured that day.

So when I was sixteen and had first gotten my driver's license my parents wanted me safe and wrapped in steel, so I drove a Chevy Suburban without running boards. I am a petite 5'2" young women and getting in and out under normal conditions it is quite a stretch. It was Sunday afternoon and I had been working late at church cleaning a
Sunday School room, I was wearing a long skirt with a slit to the knees in the back. The parking lot was nearly empty and as I tried to get into my car, I discovered it was impossible to get in. Frustrated and hungry, I looked around and saw no one so I hiked my skirt up and climbed in. Two problems, I had forgotten about the slit in the back and my granny panties decided to tear in half as I got in. I suddenly felt a "breeze" on my bum and quickly slide into my seat. I looked up and saw my pastor red faced ducking behind his car door. I had just mooned my pastor. The worst part? He is still the pastor of my parent's church, so when I visit even though it was 6 years ago, I have to see him. I have avoided talking to him ever since.

The most embarrassing moment in my life took place two years ago. My nephew was graduating from college in Portland, and I flew down to attend the graduation. Over the years I had racked up 140,000 airline miles, so I decided to put them to good use and spent some of them on a $1,400-a-night hotel room. The trim in my room was all gold leaf. The ceilings were 12 feet high. A crystal chandelier hung high above my king-sized bed; another hung over the couch which was against the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking all of Portland. The room was allegedly across the hall from where the President stays when he visits town. Everything was perfect—the doormen even called me by name whenever I'd enter the building. "Good evening, Mr. N.," they'd say, altering the phrase slightly depending on the time of day.
That night as I settled into my bed for the best night's sleep of my life, I farted. I was king. But surely kings don't have holes in their underwear, do they? Shit, I must not be king then. And funny that I should say shit too, because that's what I found in the bed when I got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water.
In the morning, room service brought me eggs benedict with smoked salmon lox, and I left. But a piece of me stayed embedded in the 600-thread-count sheets that day.

The most embarassing thing i have ever done is a long story. My friend and business partner D. is a like 20 years older than me. She sells stuff at rennaissance festivals while i watch our shop. She was always telling me how i need to go with her to one of these, what i didnt realize is that they are NON STOP party fests. So i talked to my ex-husband (who was then my husband) and went. Well the first night i got super super smashed and puked all night behind our tents and had some random guy i barely knew holding me up, the second night, i didnt get as drunk but still got drunk and was generally a good girl, and the third night i go drunk apparently i made out with like 20 people and was yelling and generally being a total ass. i dont remember doing this at all, D. told me the next morning all the while making fun
of me like CRAZY and i couldnt figure out why, when i saw a mirror i had HUGE hickeys on my neck. apparently this guy i had been flirting with all weekend had tried to get in my pants,and we had been making out but i passed out before we could do anything. jeez i felt like such a scum bag. and to top it off, the night i got home guess who was there when i got home? MY INLAWS!who hate me to begin with and were there trying to convice my husband to leave me. plus it was summer and i was wearing a tank top so everyone could see my neck. god it was awful! i think its funny now but i was so embarrassed at the time.